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Writer's pictureYoung Horn

Power Ranking Thanksgiving Food

As Thanksgiving is coming to a close, and I am watching my funds disappear from my Caesars sportsbook app I figured I would power rank my favorite dishes for the holiday. I don't know how many I will have on the list but you can stop here because turkey will be off the list...if not last.




  1. Beers/Wine/Alcohol of choices.

- "I will never quit drinking. I will always make sure I keep my body healthy enough so I can always drink. I love seeing the sunrise with a cocktail, seeing the sunset with a cocktail... I love the moment someone says 'We should get a drink' when you're not supposed to, that feeling, it's like a first kiss." - Bert Kreischer. Nothing better than that first ice crispy beer in your hand as you know youre going to eat like a fat fuck and watch football.


2. Green Bean Casserole

- I may be biased, but the way my roommate (my mother) makes it....*chefs kiss* incredible dish. Mix of a healthy side filled with cream of mushroom soup and french fried onions. Reminds me of french onion soup...but without the soup and you have green beans


3. Sweet Potatoes with Marshmellows on top

- I don't need to say anything more. This side is your WR1, just give him the ball and let him go to work.


4. Mac and Cheese

- This is a staple any time of the year, very versatile, many different ways make it. Basically like a college spread option QB, or when the wild cat offense was dominant in the NFL. Are you going to hand it off (make it a classic single cheese blend), or are you going to flip it to the wide receiver and let him throw it to the QB 15 yards down field (a 3 cheese blend....perhaps some sharp gouda/cheddar)


5. Beers for the 4:30 Cowboys Game


6. Stuffing

-The edge rusher of sides. Going to just bring you to the ground after your third helping of it.


7. Gravy

- The Bill Belichick of sides. Nothing flashy, no nonsense, you know what you're getting out of it and historically a winner.


8. Cranberry Sauce

- Fuck all of you who hate on this...give me that fresh ring of of cranberry sauce fresh out the can boi.



Honorary Mentions

- Any form of charcuterie board, beers for the 8:30 game, 3 football games on thanksgiving to ignore your annoying aunt and alcoholic uncle talking about he's been laid off since before the pandemic (but blames it on the pandemic), and pumpkin pie.



Also fuck turkey, Thanksgiving should've been a traditional to have corned beef or ham. Happy Thanksgiving from the CMS crew, and also always cheers & #MOREBEERS.



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