The 4th of July is arguably the WORST day to be a glizzy.
4th of July is a top 3 holiday, behind Christmas, and Memorial Day. Especially when it falls on a Tuesday. This work week is completed mailed it. If you're smart, you took yesterday and tomorrow off from work. Give yourself a 5 day weekend, go back to work on Thursday, which you're basically at the weekend already. And in some cases you may even work for a company that does summer Fridays so you're really checked out this week.
The guide to the having the ultimate 4th of July goes as followed.
1.Early Golf Tee Time With The Boys
No better way to get the day started. Getting out early enough so you're not playing a 5 hour round, but even if it goes long you don't have any of the responsibilities of preparing for a party that may be at your house later in the day. At most you have to stop and grab a few bags of ice on the way home from your round, or worse, a few more cases of beer! Whatever your score is on the course on the 4th of July is irrelevant because you're celebrating freedom, America, hot dogs, and cold beers. (I will not say what my score was today because it wasn't great and doesn't matter).
2. Post Golf BBQ/Cookout
Look out for the MF cookout! At this point in the day all you need is a pool/beach, a few more hot dogs to make sure you hit your daily intake of saturated fat and sodium (which like your golf score is irrelevant today), and MORE BEERS. 4-5pm rolls around and you see your alcoholic uncle asking everyone to shot gun some beers before he lights off fire works in a few hours.
3. Fireworks
This is a controversial topic. Fireworks suck for a few reasons, but obviously have to be on the list. #1 if you have dogs. Dogs hate fireworks and spend 3-4 days barking, especially when your shit head neighbor is lighting them off at 3 in the afternoon and you can't even see anything. Little Johnny just likes being a dick head because the loud nosies give him satisfaction, curious to where his parents are and how he got the fireworks in the first pace. Fireworks are AWESOME if you are the one lighting them off. There is no bigger thrill than being the one handed the lighter and being told "light em up". Are they going to blow up in your face? Are they going to be a dud? Are they level on the ground and not going to fall over and shoot into your neighbors yard? You never know! For example last year I was lighting fireworks on the beach and had my buddy using his phone flashlight so I could find the fuse and light one and keep it moving down the line of mortars we had on the beach. After a few too many beers, he stumbled in the sand right now to one that was about to blow. I had to go Saving Private Ryan on his ass and drag him away before he ended up like Jason Pierre-Paul.
Honorable Mentions:
Michael Rubins White Out party in the hamptons. This party has everyone. Tom Brady, OBJ, The Kardashians, Joe Burrow, Meek Mill, Jack Harlow, JLO, anyone that has ever played for the 76ers organization, Robert Kraft (pervert alert), Justin/Hailey Bieber, and hundreds more. Rumor has it that Young Horn may break the invite list next year.
Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest. Joey Chestnut won again, this isn't must watch TV anymore. I do love me a good glizzy, but I don't need to watch grown me suck em down. Pause.
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