Oh brother were my picks bad last week. And I mean BAD! I knew it was going to be a wonky weak, the holidays, playoff contention, but I will own it. (4-11) against the spread last week. I am sorry. Since keeping the picks in the blog I am now (13-20-1). Not great! But you can always win it back. Were heading into the last two weeks of the season, and this is where we make money. So despite my losing record, hear me out!
Side note I went 4-0 on my locks for the Thursday night game but it is what it is.
Sunday 1pm Slate:
Panthers vs. Buccaneers (TAMPA -3)
The Bucs are a league-worst 3-11-1 against the spread this season. There is absolutely zero reason to trust them. But this line reflects that we’re looking at two evenly matched teams. I hate myself for falling into the trap again, but if it’s a close, boring game, Tom Brady has shown he can still get it done in a two-minute drill and steal a win. Call me an idiot after last week, but give me CAR +3.
Browns vs. Commanders (WAS -1.5)
I will keep this short and sweet. I am a browns fan. Cleveland wins and it helps uncle Tim and the packers. (CLE +1.5)
Saints vs. Eagles ( PHI -6)
It looks like the Eagles will roll with Gardner Minshew again in this game. Minshew was fine last week against the Cowboys, but what really stood out in that game was how well-supported he was. DeVonta Smith was terrific, and the coaching staff dialed up some outstanding calls against Dallas’s defense. The Eagles can lock up the no. 1 seed in the NFC with a win here.I believe in Gardner I'm taking the birds again (PHI -6)
Cardinals vs. Falcons (ATL -3)
BIRD GAME!!!! *fart noise* this game will suck. An ESPN article cited a source close to Kliff Kingsbury saying: “They won’t let [Kingsbury] be great.” Apparently, a 28-35-1 regular-season record with no playoff wins has nothing to do with Kingsbury and everything to do with everyone else. Glad that’s cleared up! By the way, I highly recommend using “You won’t let me be great” in your day-to-day interactions. Taking the Falcons. (ATL -3)
Jaguars vs. Texans (JAX -4.5)
I know the Jags have a small percentage chance to make the playoffs but hear me out. The texans suck, and TLaw has been playing like a #1 overall pick. Texans shouldn't play hard so they get the #1 overall draft pick. Taking the Jags (Jax -4.5).
Bears vs. Lions (DET -5.5)
That Lions’ loss to the Panthers last week was a bummer. The defense got gashed, and the offense had a stretch in the middle of the game when it failed to pick up a first down on four consecutive possessions. But I’m not giving up on Detroit just yet. They need some help but still have a 24 percent chance of getting in. The Lions are frisky, and despite the loss last week, and Jared Goff being my close personal friend. I will be taking daaaaaa bears (CHI +5.5).
Dolphins vs. Patriots (MIA +3)
Mac Jones is a scumbag. The Dolphins have a 59 percent chance of getting into the playoffs, while the Patriots are at 20 percent. With a win here, Miami would go all the way up to 84 percent, while New England would be eliminated. If the Patriots win, they’d have a 31 percent chance going into Week 18, while the Dolphins would be at 48 percent. Fuck Mac and take the dolphins with big dick Teddy (MIA +3)
Broncos vs. Chiefs (KC -12.5)
I didn't take the chiefs last week because I hate double digit spreads. And I won't be taking them again this week. Denver fired Nathaniel Hackett, revenge game. Broncos cover (DEN +12.5).
Colts vs. Giants (NY -5.5)
The Giants are the better team, but this number is just a little too high for a team that is short on talent in so many key spots. (INDY +5.5)
Sunday 4pm Slate:
Jets vs. Seahawks (NY -4.5)
MIKE WHITE. Not to be confused with Mike Jones ... who? Mike Jones! Jets defense is sick, and Geno has not wrote back. (NY -4.5)
49ers vs. Raiders (SF +10.5)
The raiders are in shambles. Carr is gone, his replacement has thrown 68 career passes. 9ers defense is sick. Give me Glock Prudy and the 9ers (SF +10.5).
Vikings vs. Packers. (GB -3)
The frauds vs Aaron Rodgers. This game is so tough. dVikings point differential isn't in their favor as road dogs. But can you really not take Rodgers running the table? The Packers aren’t dead yet. They’ve got a 27 percent chance of sneaking into the playoffs after last week’s win in Miami. With a win here, that percentage would go all the way up to 55 percent. Credit to Matt LaFleur. This team looked cooked a few weeks ago, but they keep playing hard. I like the Packers’ chances of winning their fourth straight. (GB -3)
Rams vs. Chargers (LA -6.5)
The Chargers beat the Colts to clinch a playoff berth and have won three in a row. But it feels like every week, you look at the scoreboard and wonder why they haven’t scored more points. The last time the Chargers scored 30 or more was in Week 5. I still don’t trust this Chargers team, and the Rams are still playing hard. Give me the points. Love Baker and the Rams (LA +6.5).
SNF:
Steelers vs. Ravens (BAL -2.5)
Steelers are making moves. Lamar Jackson may play but I doubt it. Give me Kenny 2 gloves and the points. (PIT +2.5).
MNF :
Bills vs. Bengals (BUF -1.5)
This could be the AFC Championship matchup. This will be the best game of the weekend but we have to wait until Monday. Two studs, Joe Brrrrr, vs Josh Allen. These are two legit Super Bowl contenders that I’ve been high on all season long. I worry about the Bills’ ability to cover Cincinnati’s wide receivers, but the Bengals could have a hard time protecting Joe Burrow. It’s a coin-flip game that I can’t wait to watch, I'm gonna take Buffalo (-1.5) because I think they're going to turn up against Joey B.