Rory’s Masters Menu: Classy, Safe… and Not Nearly Chaotic Enough

Now that the World Baseball Classic heartbreak is finally (somewhat) settling in… I was given two things to help cope:

1. The new Spider-Man trailer

2. Rory McIlroy’s 2026 Masters Champions Dinner menu

One of those things brought excitement. The other… brought polite golf claps.

Let’s break it down.

🏌️ The Masters Dinner: Golf’s Most Exclusive Cheat Meal

Every year at Augusta National Golf Club, the defending champion gets to pick the menu for the Champions Dinner.

It’s one of the coolest traditions in sports:

• Past champions only

• No media

• Just legends eating whatever the winner wants

So naturally… this is where you can get weird, creative, and borderline unhinged with your menu.

And Rory?

He played it like a safe par on a wide-open fairway.

Appetizers: A Mixed Bag

Here’s where things started… interesting.

The lineup:

• Peach & Ricotta Flatbread

• Bacon-Wrapped Dates

• Rock Shrimp Tempura

• Grilled Elk Sliders

Let me be honest.

• Peach & ricotta flatbread? I’m out. Respectfully.

• Bacon-wrapped dates? That’s a “my aunt brought this to Christmas” type of dish

BUT…

Rock shrimp tempura? I’m IN. Grilled elk sliders? Now we’re talking.

That’s the kind of “Augusta meets hunting lodge” energy I can get behind.

First Course: Fancy For No Reason

Yellowfin Tuna Carpaccio with foie gras

Listen… I get it.

It’s the Masters. It’s supposed to be elegant.

But this is one of those dishes where:

• It looks incredible

• Sounds incredible

• And I’d still be asking, “is there bread somewhere?”

Main Course: Safe. Too Safe.

You get a choice of:

• Wagyu filet mignon

• Seared salmon

With sides like:

• Irish champ (nice touch)

• Brussels sprouts

• Glazed carrots

• Onion rings

And here’s where I’m gonna say it…

This is the most “default steakhouse” menu imaginable.

It’s good. Obviously.

But this is your ONE chance to feed:

• Tiger Woods

• Phil Mickelson

• Every legend in golf

And you go… steak or fish?

C’mon Rory.

Missed Opportunity: Lean Into the Irish Roots

This is where I feel like Rory left something on the table.

You’re Irish.

You just won The Masters.

Give us:

• Corned beef

• Shepherd’s pie

• Guinness flowing like water

Make these guys earn that green jacket digestion.

Instead, we got… controlled elegance.

Which is very Rory, but still.

Let chaos cook.

Dessert: No Complaints

Sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream

Now THIS?

No notes.

That’s elite.

That’s a dessert that says: “I might not have gone crazy earlier, but I’m finishing strong.”

The Wine List (Lowkey Ridiculous)

Also casually included:

• 2015 Salon Champagne

• 2022 Batard-Montrachet

• 1990 Château Lafite Rothschild

• 1989 Château d’Yquem

Just a casual “drink better than 99.9% of the planet” lineup.

My Menu (If I Ever Win… Which I Won’t)

Let’s be honest.

If I ever somehow won The Masters (I won’t):

We’re going:

• French onion soup

• Mozzarella sticks

• Potato skins (TGI Fridays vibes)

• Caesar salad

Main course:

• Chicken parm

• Rigatoni vodka

Dessert:

• Warm brownie + vanilla ice cream

My wine list? Way more my speed:

• The Prisoner

• Caymus

• Stag’s Leap Cabernet

  
  

No sommelier needed. No Google search required. Just vibes.

Because at the end of the day…

I am just a guy who has not won The Masters.

Rory’s menu is:

• Classy

• Well-rounded

• Very on-brand

But also…

A little safe.

And when you have the chance to create one of the most iconic meals in sports?

Safe feels like a missed opportunity.

Still…

After the WBC loss, I’ll take:

• A Spider-Man trailer

• And a five-star Augusta dinner menu

As a decent way to cope.