Cube Chronicles Vol. 10: How To Properly Call Out Sick The First Two Days Of March Madness

Ah, the classic dilemma: calling out sick during the first days of March Madness. We've all been there, wanting to ditch work or responsibilities to immerse ourselves in the glorious chaos of college basketball. But fear not, for I have devised a foolproof plan to help you navigate this delicate situation with finesse. Disclaimer: This does not apply if you work from home, just schedule "meetings" on your calendar all day.

Here's how to call out sick during the first days of the March Madness tournament:

1. Timing is Key: Plan your "sickness" strategically. Aim to call out sick on the opening day or the day after, maximizing your March Madness viewing time without raising suspicion.

2. The Early Bird Gets the Worm: Notify your boss or supervisor as early as possible. Send a text or email the night before (or even earlier if you're feeling bold) expressing that you're feeling under the weather and won't be able to make it in the next day.

3. Keep it Simple, Keep it Vague: When explaining your absence, keep your excuse simple and vague. Mention that you're not feeling well and think it's best to stay home to rest. Avoid going into too much detail to maintain credibility.

4. Maintain Consistency: If you're known for rarely calling out sick, your absence during March Madness might raise eyebrows. To counter this, ensure your excuse aligns with your typical behavior. For example, if you're rarely sick, claim you're suffering from a mild cold or headache.

5. Stay Off Social Media: As tempting as it may be to share your March Madness escapades on social media, resist the urge. The last thing you want is for your boss or coworkers to stumble upon photos of you cheering on your favorite team while you're supposedly sick in bed. If your boss follows you on social media thats your own fault, but can't let any co workers narc you out for drinking beers at Dave and Busters instead of working.

6. Follow Up Professionally: Once you're feeling better (or once March Madness is over), follow up with your boss or supervisor to thank them for their understanding and to ensure you haven't missed any critical tasks or deadlines.
   

Remember, honesty means nothing, lie, lie, and keep lying—all that matters is today and tomorrow is BALL! Let's win some bets, and friendly reminder, no one cares about your bracket, or the 12 seed you picked to upset a 5 in the first round.